Randoms

BSN...RN...FNP-C...

Being a healthcare provider is weird sometimes. Really weird. You think in BUN, amylase, and pH. You get giddy when you get a 22 in a liver patient. You can't eat microwave popcorn because it reminds you of lactulose and encephalopathy. You get bitter, you get sad, and you laugh when a little old lady accuses you of making her underwear to tight.

But, most importantly you see, do, and feel everything the patient and their family does. Which is why when you lose one of your own, no matter how vaguely you knew them it hurts. I am in the middle of this pain. To know the loss was unexpected and to fill the role of someone so loved is impossible.

Which is why I do this. Figuring out the impossible. Calming the fear. Reducing the pain. Nursing is not numbers of gauges, it is seeing a whole from the parts with a smile.

Conor...

Loves his especiables. Hates his vegetables. Refuses to sit on the potty. Builds freight trains with skill. Discovers super letters and thinks K-N-A-P-F-O-R-D spells "YOUNG". Smells like an angel. Carries his blanket like Linus. Chomp kisses. Giggles. Thinks...

This little miracle means more to me than anything I have ever done. I get angered at the selfishness of many mothers. The shear stupidity hurts, the refusal to build a bond through attachment makes me mourn for the innocents.

I would deny a million jobs to know I heard Conor's first words, saw his first steps, can comfort his cry easily, and know he spends more time with his parents than in the hands of others.

Other Things...

• Hate Charleston and its weather
• I want a new car
• I cannot wait to design a new nursery (NOT pregnant just bored)
• I miss my neighbors, new ones are blah
• I miss my floor, seriously miss patient care.
• Proud of our bank account
• Want to get my son a fishy