Especially news of the heart and psyche?
I have dealt with devastating medical news and watched my mom try her hardest to die in front of my eyes. I have told someone they have cancer and that they need to stop drinking or die.
This morning I found news that I don't know if I can handle. I spent my day at clinical angry, in tears, and all together intolerant of patients. Pathetic I know, but sometimes work and personal life mix in a negative way.
My nursing background and desire to protect the physical has supplanted my anger to a degree. No matter what I have to protect and maintain the health of others, it is what I do for a living and what I have a passion for. Yet, I still want to throw stuff, break things, and scream. I have had such a SHIT 2010 so far.
- School blows....
- Work is 12 hours of running my ass off for patients abusing themselves and the system...
- I worry about my mom all the fucking time...I also worry about my dad and his unwillingness to treat his COPD and undetected hypertension...
- I can't seem to lose weight and feel good about myself...
- I step in poop/pee/puke at least every other day...
- I clean and clean and clean and the house still looks a mess...
- My sister doesn't talk to me, and I am tired of being in competition with her...
- I can't stay asleep and have been running on fumes and Starbucks...
And now this. Why? No clue. Forgivable? I don't know. I don't know if what I am doing is foolish and demeaning to my character. I don't get any of it, all I know is I am so angry and hurt. I don't know how I will be able to sleep tonight or function in class tomorrow.
Once again and forever, I will be thankful for my son. Every other thing makes me nervous, nauseous, and downright angry.
CAN I PLEASE CRY UNCLE NOW?
\T
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